Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
