I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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