i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
