At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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