I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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