Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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