I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
