Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
