i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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