he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
