I think my fart just growled at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
