The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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