i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
