Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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