I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
