Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
