yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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