I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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