you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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