I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my shit smells like andre
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
