I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
