He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
