On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i permit you to call me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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