u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you would pick up someone in the library
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
