He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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