Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
