Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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