yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
