its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
