I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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