my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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