I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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