your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
