Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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