She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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