There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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