I will die if light touches me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
