I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
