i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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