you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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