I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
