Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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