And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
