I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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