dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
