Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
