I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize