I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
