Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
