is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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