I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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