don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
