According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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