I hate all girls vehemently.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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