please come you make the beer taste better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
