the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
