I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
