It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
