I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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