yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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