Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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