I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
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Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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