Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
