I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
